Movie Trailers July 2026

I know it's been a while, but let's do a movie roundup for July. 

Spider-Man: Brand New Day (July 24th)

Looks good. The Punisher/Hulk elements seem to be supporting elements as they should be. I don't know why we need to make biological web shooters or immediately undo the last movie. I don't know why Spider-Man is fighting The Hand and...I wanna say, Denzel Washington from the movie Fallen, but I'm willing to go with it.

Has nothing to do with the comics, AFAIK, but I think we're good with that.

Movie Trailers for August 2025

Harvest - August 1st

Okay, it's being released on Mubi--which sounds like the name you'd make up to ridicule the proliferate, third-rate streaming services which aren't Paramount+--but is real. And it looks faaascinating.

And it's on a third-rate streaming service that isn't Paramount+. 

 

Movie Trailers for June 2025

Let's do it. 

"It" is pretending I'm not writing this in August and haven't already seen Superman (2025)

Superman - June 11th

Lil' Jon Williams. A lot of James Gunn. It's weird and it's not ashamed of it. How do we incorporate the Krypto and the geopolitics angle and the Justice Gang?

Well.

They incorporated it well.

Movie Trailers for May 2025

I'm Beginning to See the Light (May 2nd)

It seems like the literalism of the name would turn me off. Guy's family dies when he drives them into a lighthouse lens and then he...uh, stalks the lens and lives in the lighthouse with it. 

This is a romance by the way, but not with the lighthouse lens. Might have been more interesting because it's a romance with a lady and I couldn't care less if the isolated man in his darkest hour who reaches out to other isolated men in their darkest hour puts his dick in a lady. 

Also, I have to laugh that Yahtzee's man who "takes one too many lingering looks at his sexy wife and smacks straight into a truck" is the literal plot for this movie. 

 

Movie Trailers for April 2025

Maybe it's because I'm making this two-thirds of the way through April instead of in March like I was supposed to, but there are so many interesting trailers this month. Enough to do a bit of a theme.

A Nice Indian Boy (April 4th)

Cute and interesting lil' gay movie. Gotta learn Karan Soni's name now. He's gotta be more than, "Dopinder" in Deadpool now. 

Really? "Dopinder"?

Whoof. That franchise really charmed it's way across some lines.

 

Movie Trailers for March 2025

I'm writing this one halfway through April, so it's gonna be quick and messy.

A Working Man

What happens when you feed Taken, $500,000, a batman villain, and the word "Jason Statham script" into an AI?

Movie Trailers for February 2025

It looks like, in skipping January, I only missed The Brutalist and Companion. No biggie. :|

Here's February.

Heart Eyes (February 7th)

Thank gods. Finally, a horror movie trailer set to a slow cover of a classic love song. 

Stab me first, please.

Movie Trailers for December 2024

Mufasa: The Lion King (December 20th)

On the origins of monarchy. Do we need a prequel for everything? All that's important is that there was a monarch and then he was killed and we root for his son. 

And it's not Hamlet. Hamlet was very much about the moral repercussions of killing. Hamlet was in Claudius' court. Claudius didn't trick Hamlet into running away for the entirety of his youth. The plot of Hamlet was not 'Hamlet kills bad king and bangs Ophelia,' it's 'Hamlet isn't certain that his uncle/stepfather killed his father and his indecision dooms everyone.'

They do have one thing in common though: You don't need a prequel to tell the story of King Hamlet.

Movie Trailers for November 2024

Heretic (November 8th)

I hate an evil atheist, but we're due, I guess. I'm also living for this Hugh Grant turn into horror. I mean, despite all the stereotypes from the 90's, he's not a bad actor. Can a full-length movie live up to this trailer? I'm willing to find out. 

Movie Trailers for October 2024

Joker: Folie a Deux (October 4th)

I didn't even watch the first one, but making the second on a musical is a masterstroke, and not just because I really liked that episode of Scrubs.

So what if Harley Quinn is not an olympic-class gymnast and corrupted psychologist? The whole premise of this...series, I guess, is doing what DC does best: larger than life characters in 100 different versions of themselves in stories that get the fundamentals right. 

Canon is for cucks. (Can I say that without being a choad?)

Azrael (September 27th)

Please be a Batman movie, please be a Batman movie, please--

Fuck!

Movie Trailers for September 2024

Alien: Romulus

Sure. Why not?

Lee (September 27th)

Is it based on a true--ANDY SAMBERG?!

Movie Trailers for August 2024

Harold and The Purple Crayon (August 2nd)

 

Maybe I don't get to shit on a movie that's laser-focused on being for kids.

But I really liked those books as a kid, so "I don't want to live on this planet anymore."

Trap (August 9th)

Hey look: it's another film by M. Night--DON'T WATCH IT.
 

Movie Trailers for July 2024

Despicable Me 4 (July 3rd)

What if we just didn't? We've made enough Minions that Midjourney can make all of the Minions that Boomers need to go under their shit memes. 

Doesn't that end the cycle by attaching them to the most evil thing in the world: Boomer memes.

Movie Trailers for June 2024

Last month:

Sad to hear that Furiosa was critically successful but economically a failure. Weird. Chris Evans got a star on the Walk of Fame for this.

Also, I guess Empire of the Planet of the Apes was well-received. Good job.

This Month:

Bad Boys: Ride or Die (June 5th)

How stupid do you think your audience is? "Tell them they're watching a trailer five times after they clicked on the video called 'Official Trailer'" stupid.

I put money down in January it was going to be subtitled "Bad Boys take their metamucil and ask the nurse for extra pudding at bedtime," but "Ride or Die" is close. Martin Riggs is telling these guys they're too old for this shit.

(Christ, there was a Lethal Weapon TV show six years ago).

Movie Trailers for May 2024

 Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes     

Current Ape Level: 100%

 

Evil Does Not Exist - May 3rd

I focus on US films because that's the movies I watch. I watched the trailer for Evil Does Not Exist knowing it probably wouldn't make the cut on that basis. 

But here it is.

 

Movie Trailers for April 2024

As I do, I talk about a spread of ten movies coming out next month and a few other things. I used to talk about expected earnings, but I was supposed to publish this two days ago so cut me some slack.

Civil War - April 12th

I like that it's not taking sides by pitting a president on a non-constitutional third term against a Texas/California alliance. It's clearly about the horrors of war and being a war correspondent in your own home. 

And I know it's not about that, but I hate they spoil in the trailer that the President gets pulled out of the Oval Office.

 

Movie Trailers for March 2024 (Reprise)

Dune: Part Two (March 1st)

Of three? More like "Muad'Deez nuts"!

Movie Trailers for January 2024

 What's coming out in January?

Night Swim - 05JAN24

So it's an evil pool. Looks like an able execution of the idea of an evil pool. It even makes the dad go crazy. It's something I've seen a million times before, but perhaps I take for granted that there's someone out there who sees the novel idea at the core of it and has only seen the shambling, recycled skeleton 500,000 times. 

Army of the Doomstar

 

Movie Trailers for August

So what's a few months between movie trailer looks?

JULY

Barbie - Senator Ted Cruz believes that Barbie is communist propaganda, so...movie of the year.

Oppenheimer - Cilian Murphy is still killing it as J. Robert Oppenheimer in a Christopher Nolan film. I haven't seen it. 

Barbieheimer - I believe in Barbieheimer.

Mission Impossible 5(?) of 6(?) - I hope this pays for 1--no, 2--high concept science fiction films that no one but Tom Cruise would make.