Timewalking Archive Trap: Not Helping

Like anyone whose desire to say something is matched only by their desire to waste time saying it on the internet, I've been blogging for a while. Timewalking Archive Trap is presents select treasures (for very liberal definitions of "treasures") from yesteryear for the sole enjoyment of my readers.

So, you've probably heard about the Women in Refrigerators trope. I guess some guy was inspired to write a version for gays. The gay version was interesting because I've never heard of most of these characters and I haven't been able to keep up with the rest (not really too interested in buying a comic just because some of the ensemble are gay, especially since I bought the book with Freedom Ring to see what the fuss was about and it turns out it wasn't very good.).

Comics: Stormwatch, issues #7-12

Four months ago, I did a brief write up on the first six issues of the new Stormwatch series launched in the wake of the DC New 52 initiative. Those issues were written by Paul Cornell, the guy behind Knight and Squire, the Batman and Robin arc Sum of Her Parts, the run of Action Comics which features Lex Luthor as a protagonist while he fucks a robot Lois (aka, Superman: The Black Ring), all of which were awesome.

But if Cornell smoothed the felt, racked the balls, then broke and sunk half the solids, the subsequent work has been largely continued with pogo sticks used as pool cues and half the balls hermaphroditically swapping their color patterns. By the time #12 slides across the line in preparation for #0[1], the score is 15 to X with each camouflage ball counting for half a parsec, depending on its quantum state.

It's not that I have no idea what's going on; it's that the book doesn't know and isn't paying attention.

Comics: Stormwatch, issues #1-6

In 1993, Wildstorm comics launched Stormwatch, a typical 90's blood n' guts/faux military comic book with gritted tooth heroes protagonists. The series was forgettable until Warren Ellis—The Most Awesome Deflier—took over, gutted it, and spent 25 issues bashing America and stroking pet characters until the series was canceled and the non-pet characters killed off in a WildC.A.T.s/Aliens crossover/cashgrab.

It sounds terrible—barely footnoteworthy[1], but it was seminal and those pet characters[2] became plank owners for The Authority.

Also written by Ellis, The Authority was the prototype of big-screen, no-holds-barred, decompressed storytelling. The adolescent, oversexed, ultra-violent comics of the 90's finally evolved into mature, slightly-sexed, ultra-violent comics of the 00's. The Authority's success—and it was successful—was largely due to being well written (first by Ellis, then by Mark Millar) and being something completely different.

GoMnomnom: It doesn't get blogged anymore...

Last week, Kris mentioned how he quit his job to go back to college and how torn up inside he was about it and all twelve of you had a good cry about it. Since he &@#$ed up talking about his last hitch and torturing you with slides of the same, it falls on me to get this done.

I'm only doing the torturous part, naturally.

Playing Favorites excerpts, pt 46

Every Most Tuesdays I post excerpts from best selling at not selling super blog, Playing Favorites.

So, yeah, it looks like in my category of bad-guys who aren’t bad-guys, I like the ones who believe strongly in their purpose, don’t kick puppies, and provide the reasoning behind the actions of otherwise unsympathetic actors in the universe. These characters aren’t heroic in the conventional sense, though they do have strong beliefs that bring them into conflict with their own side. In fact, villains who just do whatever they want when they want usually aren’t that interesting.

This conflicts with my pettiness point somewhat. Sure Lex, wants to kill Superman and he doesn’t ever say, “I can’t kill Superman this way; it would destroy this orphanage.” In the trailers for the DC Universe Online, he wrecks the world (or at least Metropolis) just to kill the Justice League just to kill Superman. I suppose there’s a difference between pettiness of means and pettiness of ends. While Chaplain Action, He-Man of The Cloth and Victoria Hand have fairly high-minded goals and means, Lex and Doom have very petty ends and very highbrow means. Minor criminals have tiny goals and pathetic means. I suppose they’re called petty criminals for a reason.

Penny Reviews: 2011, Part III

I got a lot of comics in 2011, and as people often do at the end of a year, I've taken a moment to reflect on my purchases and share the resulting insights with you, the unwary reader. This is the last day, so if you’re visiting for the first time, I’m afraid you’ll have no idea what’s going on.

Midnighter, Vol 1 & 2 by Garth Ennis

The Midnighter and Garth Ennis do graphic, fun violence. Volume One was The Midnighter versus Hitler and time cops. The concept is so high that when high gets a long weekend, it gets Ennis’ Midnightered for three days straight. On paper, it’s diet pepsi and pop tarts.

The execution was pop tarts and the star Rigel. This analogy doesn’t work because those two things don’t “mix” and don’t make bad comics. Maybe it’s not Ennis’ fault. The Midnighter is admittedly a two-faceted badass character; it’s possible that he needs an ensemble to contrast with, or at least a straight man.

#1 Worst