I mean, it's good, but...

Has Been is better.

Unless he does "Time Marches On."

Country Music 2014

So last week I put up an selection of top hits of 2014.

It's true that the playlist was a narrow selection of the music released on 2014.

In an effort to address that imbalance, I'd like to tender six, or rather one, of country music's top hits from last year.

Rules of Life #12

Rule #12: A prophet can't lose predicting disaster.

Speaks for itself. You might note that horoscopes neatly sidestep this by telling folks what they can or should do. No fatalistic predictions, just you failing to be exceptional enough so it's all your fault when the stars give you a once over.

obligatory

So, a good corollary might be, “If everyone gets angry at your disastrous predictions, predict it is their responsibility to prevent disaster.”

Of course, all of this assumes “prophets” can't really see the future.

If you are a prophet who can see the future, this is still helpful info because even the truth needs a good angle if you want people to believe it.

There are 26 Things Wrong With This Video

Look, you kids today with your Mishapocalypses have a lot to deal with. I don't contest that, but if you lived in The South in 1992, "Achy Breaky Heart" was more ubiquitous and lingering than Tribble syphilis. It started line dancing, which for those of you who don't know is half-dancing and one half the world's most boring game of Twister. It is perhaps the whitest thing on Earth and it's definitely worse than an degenerative STI that only affects adorable, purring creatures from Iota Geminorum IV.

#1: "Achy Breaky Heart" (hereafter ABH-I) did all of that despite not having any sensible lyrics, no unique musical qualities, and no discernable point or message. I'm not saying it's a bad song; I'm saying it's black magic from a Stygian pit and revisiting it threatens the very fabric of reality. Unless you know where to find a paladin and a wizard in this, the year of our Lord 2014, there are scant few adventuring parties capable of undoing the damage that's being done here.

Responsibility Wednesday

So this is my "To do" list for blogs. Tentatively. It's not comprehensive. It's not that I don't have anything to blog about it's that the number of things I want to blog about is a bit overwhelming sometimes.

You know what's not on that list? Country music and the sexy lamp test. The sexy lamp test is a media test. If a woman in a piece of media can be replaced with a sexy lamp, it fails the sexy lamp test. Presumably, you can have sex with the lamp. I have to make that last point because I've been wondering lately if some of the country music I like can pass the sexy lamp test.

The album I'm most eager to look over is Trace Adkin's "Chrome." I think I bought "Chrome" in 2001 because of "I'm Tryin'." I've always referred to it as redneck music and I absolutely stand by that. The whole thing is just chock-filled with redneck whining about lost romances and weird cities and cars.