Movie Trailers for July 2024

Despicable Me 4 (July 3rd)

What if we just didn't? We've made enough Minions that Midjourney can make all of the Minions that Boomers need to go under their shit memes. 

Doesn't that end the cycle by attaching them to the most evil thing in the world: Boomer memes.

Longlegs (July 12th)

 

I love a good intrigue. Sadly, this looks a bit jump-scary.

The best thing about it is that it looks like Nicholas Cage is involved.

Sound of Hope: The Story of Possum Trot (July 4th)

Look man, speaking as a layperson, adopting kids can be hard and some problems can't be solved in 138 minutes with love and Christian faith. But it's a good movie about people doing something worth doing and there should be more of them.

MaXXXine (July 5th)

It looks interesting, but I put it after Possum Trot for a reason. How good does a movie about fame, murder, and sex have to be to be actually worth making? I know it's the third movie in director TI West's trilogy about Maxine Minx (Mia Goth), which includes 2022's X and Pearl, but also...really? 

I don't want to sound like a huge prude or anything. MaXXXine looks like a good, well made movie. Maybe I'm getting to the point where I'm asking, "what's it all for," as if a thousand people haven't already patiently explained that it's because it's fun to watch.

Oddity (July 19th)

Okay. A weird little psychological/supernatural thriller guy. Aight.

Lumina (July 12th)

Taken but for aliens. Okay. Sure. Let's do it. 

The Beast Within (July 26)

Gotta feel a little bad for Kit Harrington being a Game of Thrones guy who had to wear furry cloaks and have a direwolf now being in a paint-by-the-numbers movie where he's a werewolf. 

But he was in Eternals, so maybe he deserves it.

The Abandon (July 19)

Man, what is with horror movies coming out in July? This thing is going to be in 12 theaters for 15 seconds before it goes to VOD, so I'm only mentioning it because it reminds me of The Outer Limits episode episode called "The Quality of Mercy."

Deadpool & Wolverine (July 26)

Lookin' forward to it.

Really like the "Like a Prayer."

The Fabulous Four (July 26th)

What if there was a The View movie? An idea so bad, I have say it's somehow not the worst idea I've ever heard.

Twisters (July 19th)

 

Why is the showboating idiot spotlight chasing redneck a protagonist? We're on his side?! What "simple, old-fashioned technology" is better than, oh yeah "literally fucking better technology"?! Fuck this movie sideways. I hope it fails, but it will probably rake in a heap of money.

It's existing in a sub-basement of idea quality, but it's still only runner up for worst idea for a movie this month.

Et Cetera

Exploding Kittens (July ???)

 Not a movie and it doesn't even look that great. But sure. 

Unnamed Movie

Worst idea for a movie I've seen is this month's major motion picture which is about, among other things, faking the moon landing. I'm sure they're going to write a story about how we actually went to the moon and faking the moon landing would have been really hard, but no. Not having it. Die in a barrel fire.