Monday, March 09, 2015

Houma Movie Club: Phase 13

So Horns, Burke & Hare, and The Grey were all pretty good. There wasn't enough wolf punching in any of them, to be honest so now we're going with a few classic, pre-X-Men, pre-Blade superhero movies. No videos because I forgot to write this up last night and I'm posting it from work. I'll add 'em later.

Tank Girl (1995, 104 min)

I am eager to see this movie. I read the Comics Alliance review of it a while back and that only piqued my interest. Our modern world is so full of gritty, post-apocalyptic media that it makes you unironically wish for a grit-based apocalypse (probably one precipitated by the words, "Winnie the Pooh, but it's all an LSD trip by Christopher Robin!").

Tank Girl looks like the vibrant, dumb, smiling, fun post-apocalypse I can only get from Killjoys, and that's setting the bar high for a movie that I'm pretty sure has never even been aware of the bar, much less cleared one.

Robocop (1987, 102 min)

Old Detroit has a cancer. The cancer is crime.

The Crow: Wicked Prayer (2005, 99 minutes)

Okay, so technically, this thing came out after Blade (1998) and X-Men (2000), but The Crow was released in 1994 and the sequel was released in 1996. I think it counts.

Technicalities aside, this thing is the fourth Crow movie. It stars Eddie Furlong. It stars Tara fucking Reid. It has post-Buffy, pre-Bones David Boreanaz (the worst Boreanaz). It has Dennis Hopper schlepping it. The director's only other non-documentary directing credit is a movie I've never heard of called Six-String Samurai. It has Danny Trejo in it so we can't not watch it.

What I'm saying is that The Crow: Wicked Prayer is a bad movie and watching it will make you feel bad. We usually keep who choose what and who voted for what pretty secret, but I'm really proud of this evil I'm about to unleash on the world. I'm not even sorry.

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