Wednesday, April 24, 2024

Movie Trailers for May 2024

 Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes     

We're now at Ape Level: 100%

https://youtu.be/NQ_HvTBaFoo?si=cJdxyNym0IIWT0N8


Evil Does Not Exist - May 3rd

https://youtu.be/zVY4lWfrbME?si=BYeTUsqKizXHm0MF

I focus on US films because that's the movies I watch. I watched the trailer for Evil Does Not Exist knowing it probably wouldn't make the cut on that basis. 

 But here it is.

 

Darkness of Man

https://youtu.be/HRKegxOLrOM?si=cbeCwhjp-BvC6VF-

It's an action movie, but get this: the protagonist is over the hill. 

And you won't believe it, but: he's still got it.


Fall Guy

 https://youtu.be/j7jPnwVGdZ8?si=U7EfG5_p7cWzGHBI

Stunt double movie. Seems like a fun, stupid romantic comedy with maybe a bit too much pretentious action. They could maybe reveal a bit less of the plot. Also, I feel I'd want the action to be played down a bit because it's about being a stunt double and what they do is hard and dangerous.

 

Pool Man

https://youtu.be/-ahorpRCWjo?si=A16wmEc0vTW24Wsx


Horrorscope 

 

From Sony, but can't find a trailer for it.Isn't this a production company?



The Dead Don't Hurt

https://youtu.be/Xgv25Ni_jv0?si=n3V4amc6irnoPv9J

At this point, Viggo Mortensen just wanders around Hollywood and a film of him being a cowboy shows up in theaters 9 months later.

I wrote that joke at the beginning of the trailer, but now I can only call it: Deeply Intriguing.


If

https://youtu.be/ss2KvK-w6w8?si=cQrAIKcgq6XU6v62

This is the very bad-looking Ryan Reynolds thing about imaginary friends that feels like a retread of Foster's Home for Imaginary friends and is the second imaginary friends movie to come out this year.

The Strangers : Chapter 1

https://youtu.be/DSudLoJy2ok?si=6cGGhsrouARd7NLE

Yeah, the nuanced world of three random psychos with perfect timing and coordination and kill out-of-towners needed fleshing out. 

 You might say that two minutes of a woman NOT-answering a door isn't a trailer. I'd say that 'Townies murder tourists' is not a franchise.

Atlas - 24 April

https://youtu.be/D_uFgmH_kfQ?si=9x63mogkBkoZWcRZ

I'll be honest with you, I thought Jennifer Lopez was a bit too old to play tough bitch roles and I never thought I'd see her doing science fiction, but I'm interested. Let's do this.

Furiosia

https://youtu.be/XJMuhwVlca4?si=tx_PROC9XunUObG5

I didn't even see the last Mad Max and I got goosebumps from this, so well done. The look is almost animated. I didn't even recognize Chris Hemsworth.


Garfield

WHich would be worse? A presidential biopic or a serious reboot of the franchise films about a big orange cat?

https://youtu.be/IeFWNtMo1Fs?si=hHkly4E3fOm0ddFb

https://youtu.be/IeFWNtMo1Fs?si=9Dbm5PQwCn2Ml4dB

Trick question. The reboot with Chris Pratt is the worst.

March Takes 

Dune: Part Two (March 1st)



Accidental Texan (March 8th)


 

One Life (March 15th)

The American Society of Magical Negroes (March 15th)

Mickey's Mouse Trap (March ???)

Kung Fu Panda 4 (March 29th)

Imaginary (March 8th)

Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire (March 22nd)


Cabrini (March 8th)


William Shatner: You Can Call Me Bill (March 22nd)

The Three Body Problem: Looks like people like it. SPOILERS:


Everything Else

Man in Full - May 2nd

https://youtu.be/-OzMOuFR2eE?si=R4zmi5KRJRAzpC0H

Technically a series, but Jeff Daniels generally does good shit or the Dumb and Dumber movies, and I don't see Jim Carrey here.


Tuesday, April 09, 2024

1,000-Shot Nerf Blaster

 

I'm queuing these on July 15, 2023.

What is your world like, future reader?

Friday, March 29, 2024

Movie Trailers for April 2024

As I do, I talk about a spread of ten movies coming out next month and a few other things. I used to talk about expected earnings, but I was supposed to publish this two days ago so cut me some slack.

Civil War - April 12th

I like that it's not taking sides by pitting a president on a non-constitutional third term against a Texas/California alliance. It's clearly about the horrors of war and being a war correspondent in your own home. 

And I know it's not about that, but I hate they spoil in the trailer that the President gets pulled out of the Oval Office.

 

Tuesday, March 19, 2024

Tuesday, March 12, 2024

Archer

 I never knew the end of his rampage was from something. I should have known though.



Tuesday, March 05, 2024

Yelling at the Day Moon

After going through last summer where the sun stayed up after 8:00 and yelling at the 'Night Sun,' I relate to this on many levels.



Friday, January 26, 2024

Movie Trailers for February 2024

So the deal is that I was smart enough to queue this, but too dumb to finish it.

No Way Up

A clever, if probably not very good, movie where a plane crashes into the ocean, but precariously on an ocean shelf and the people on time are working against several clocks to get out. There is also a shark and Colm Meaney. 

It looks kinda bad, but hey, Colm Meaney.


Argylle

I hope it enjoys winning February, because it's gonna.


Race for Glory: Audi vs. Lancia


 I can only assume this is a sequel/prequel to Ford vs. Ferrari.


Lisa Frankenstein

Cute. Feels like a fun 80's movie.

 

Adam the First

It looks like a pretty decent drama. Like, no big.


Bob Marley: One Love 

The lead is hot enough, but...um, something.


Madame Web

When I saw this on the list, my first thought was, "That wasn't a joke?," but after seeing the trailer I'm not sure it isn't.


Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba - To the Hashira Training

-_-

 

Drive Away Dolls

This looks like a fun little movie.


Ordinary Angels

Goddy inspo-porn. Where being dumb works out. It refers to a to a real event and real good in people, but also the whole story is in the movie so why bother?

 

Conann

Christ. It looks like they're re-releasing Tenet and Turning Red instead of actual new movies, if you're curious about the general state of Hollywood these days.

I'll say, it's the Frenchiest-art of Frenchy-art films. I don't know if it's good or bad, but it's...Conann.

 

Other Stuff

The series "Mr and Mrs Smith" with Donald Glover is coming out in February on Amazon Prime. It looks...intriguing.