Jesus christ, this year. Let's process it in the format of awards.
Great Wiki Award
Sarna.net - A great site. I should probably kick them a little money. Just a great resource for Battletech lore and tech when I don't need to open a book and fumble around inside of it for what I need.
Fandom.com - This includes the Star Trek, American Dad, Cheers!, Babylon 5, and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia wikis under its loathsome banner.
Wikipedia.com - The classic. A universal good I think we call take for granted. I should probably also kick them a little money.
And the winner is...Sarna.net. Apologies to Wikipedia, but I'm not kidding when I say I use Sarna, on average, every day.
The Chief Clancy Wiggum, "The Law is Powerless to Help You, not to Punish You" Award
Alito and The Supremes - Between a judge getting disciplined for speaking out about Alito's flag, Alito's flag, that secret recording of Alito,
New York State - They put national guard on the subway and mobilized every cop in NYC for a CEO
dying. If there's a clearer example of this award's title, I'm hard-pressed to think of it. They'll pull out all of the stops for a rich guy getting killed, but there's a soldier with a gun if you jump a turnstile.
Suicides and MRSA - One Boeing whistleblower, John Barnett, and one OpenAI whistleblower, Suchir Balaji, died this year apparently of suicides. Another, Boeing whistleblower, Joshua Dean, an otherwise healthy 45 year-old died suddenly of a MRSA infection. This is the kind of time where I'd like some security theater. Right here.
And the winner is...the entire United States Judicial Branch.
Remember Donald Trump getting his bond reduced because he's a very special boy, you remember Judge Aileen Cannon giving Trump's team every accommodation and then making up a few extra accommodations for them? Remember Marcellus Williams not even getting a stay from a judge when the prosecutor, the victim's family, and maybe even the jury who convicted him wanted to reconsider DNA evidence and changes in testimony?
It's mostly the Supreme Court though. You were the last branch of government the average citizen respected. Congrats on achieving the level of arrogance necessary to completely squander that; you only had to keep your mouth shut while sitting on the most opaque court in the country, you morons. You fools.
Ass Company Award
Reddit - Reddit removed its awards system, implemented super-upvotes, and then reinstated a very similar awards system. Didn't give me my Reddit coins back, so maybe I shouldn't give them money to support their stupid website.
Twitter's staff was cut to 20% or something and it still basically functions, which begs the question of why a 300% staffed Reddit can't keep--INTERNAL SERVER ERROR
Tesla/Space-X/Starlink/Twitter - Speaking of Twitter, this government-money-siphoning-and-attention-seeking enterprise is increasingly at the beck and call of a mediocre man with malicious inclinations and no principles who has a personality like a cold, wet newspaper. If a company can threaten the government, it should get its leash yanked as hard and fast as any of us would for the same crime.
Disney - Mickey Mouse became public domain and Ron Desantis picked a fight with them solely for political points. Maybe that's why Disney tabled the idea that a waiver of liability on a Disney+ membership waived liability for Disney knowingly serving an allergen to an allergic park visitor. They then tabled (the other one) the idea after public outcry, but seriously.
The winner is...Reddit. Is it objectively the worst of the three? Absolutely not. Is the bar it's failing to hurdle on the floor? Also yes.
Dirtiest Win
Me and My Collaborator in Twilight Imperium - Tied a dirty, dirty game of Twilight Imperium this year. It involved a hard betrayal, which I rarely, rarely, rarely ever engage in.
Not worth it.
The 2024 Presidential Election - Not illegal in any way, but ugh.
The winner is...dirty. Just filthy.
Best Natural Event Award
The Aurora - I didn't see it, but I heard good things.
All This Ice Melting - It's probably nothing.
Double Cicada Summer - It's cool, but not really one of those awe-inspiring things you want to witness firsthand.
The Eclipse - Always a cool thing and it has a good emoji sequence to accompany it.
And the winner is...the eclipse. Better luck next year, All This Ice Melting; I know you'll be here for it.
Solar Eclipse: 🌎🌑🌞
Lunar Eclipse: 🌑🌎🌞
Apocalypse: 🌑🌞🌎
Most Forgotten Politics
High Hopes - Rooting for Nikki Haley, then Joe Biden, then Kamala Harris.
That insane post-State of the Union rebuttal by Senator Katie Britt - A senator? Like in Washington D.C.?
Animal Farm - Kristi Noem bragged about killing a goat and an 'untrainable' puppy in a gravel pit. In a book. No one asked her, she just brought it up herself.
Blue Apronian Candidate - We learned that many popular, conservative podcasts were funded by Russia and no one really hung onto that one.
Real Men Wear Diapers - This was a real set of merchandise that people made and then other people paid those people money so they could wear it like it was a cogent thought and not a humiliating symptom of...everything wrong with these people. People who have ostensibly decided the fate of this country for the next, say, 4 to all our years.
And the winner is...the Blue Apronian Candidate. We had a thousand hearings about Benghazi and email servers, and conspiracies about George Soros abound, but the idea that Russia is funding some of the loudest, least-regulated voices in the media sphere passed through public consciousness with nary a second thought.
Let's do a few quick awards just to pick things up a bit.
Best Meme Award
"The Anjin Meme," and in my heart, it's not even close.
Saddest Death
All due respect to James Earl Jones, but Vernor Vinge was a legend.
Saddest Not-Death
And Mitch McConnell is still alive? Man, fuck 2024.
Most Inevitable Gaming Development
Battletech: Encounters - Catalyst Game Labs makes plenty of non-Battletech, non-Shadowrun tabletop games. But it was still inevitable they'd find a decent tabletop game system and stretch the Battletech intellectual property over it like a guard's face on Hannibal Lecter.
This would've gone in the Projects Most Worked On section if I'd completed the flowchart that makes the game playable.
A Banger Year for Indie Video Games - It was a long time coming, but coming none-the-less. You could practically shoot one of those Hunger Games cannons every time a AAA video game came out and immediately fucking died this year. It was unbelievable. Holy shit.
Hasbro's absorption of Magic: the Gathering's Elder Dragon Highlander format - Hasbro made broken cards, the EDH independent committee declined to ban them, and then death threats from fans made the committee buckle so that control of the format went to the folks who printed the broken cards.
And the winner is Hasbro absorbing EDH. Magic's most successful format being independent was a burr in Hasbro's saddle for a long time. I wouldn't be surprised if a bottle of champagne was opened when Sheldon Menery passed away. Well, maybe a Bud Light. I'm shocked they had the class to wait until a year after his death to pull that.
Most Over That Shit
Me, celebrating my sixth year being done with Magic: the Gathering.
Most Ironic Award
That last one.
Most "My God, Please Make an Original Movie" Award
The Crow - Whatever else is happening, removing the mystical elements to make The Crow a magical superhero seems like a step back. Nice abs though.
Madame Web - Dakota Fanning was with this movie when it died in the box office researching how to make Sonyverse not suck.
X-Men '97 - What even are Gambit's powers now? He can charge a whole Sentinel, but also Wolverine? Do the things he charges explode or do they just give off an explosion? Is that bad to the thing he's charging? How does Rogue fight anyone longer than it takes her to touch them with her bare hands?
Kraven The Hunter - This is a tight race. Just like those abs.
No one. Not a soul. Not a single person, man, or animal alive:
Mufasa (2024)
And the winner is...the entire Sonyverse. When the closest thing you have to a hit is a camp trilogy strongbacked by Tom Hardy and his CGI co-star (also played by Tom Hardy), then maybe stop. Just stop. Do anything but eat more Spider-Man-related intellectual properties so you can turn them into poo.
Most "No, actually just make more sequels" Award
Metropolis - Pompous, preachy, and pointless. Everyone associated with this movie had the pedal to the floor, steering in the wrong direction.
Rebel Moon 2 - People like a simple, a hero's journey story. But there's a je ne sais quoi to making that simple story feel fresh. Zach Snyder, guy of "I love this thing, but make it darker," doesn't know it any better than I do.
Unfrosted - I know I was optimistic about it, but I was wrong. Wrong with a cherry baked into it.
And the winner is...Metropolis. Rebel Moon 2 put up a good fight, but only one movie is going "back to the cluuub."
Most Hated Award - This one isn't on me. It's just about who got the public hate the most. Like, damn.
Justice League: Kill the Justice League - Mediocre game is mediocre. I can't hate a mind control story that doesn't let heroes shake off the mind control for dramatic purposes. But why in seven hells would you torpedo it by making a game where you cap Batman without ceremony the final installment of the Arkham Batman series?
Larry David assaulting Elmo - What the fucking hell, dude? There's charmingly fucked up like the character he plays, and then there's, "I have to assault this puppet!" What the fuck is wrong with you? What did the doctor tell you, you fucking broken person?
Francis Scott Key Bridge Collapse - This isn't about the bridge, but about DALI, the company that saved a few dollars and cut a few corners so they could pay $102 million dollars in harbor cleanup. It's not a phrase exclusive to working offshore, but learned it there, "Spend a dollar to save a dime." I didn't even know that bridge existed before this year and I hate them for breaking it.
The For-Profit Insurance Industry - The only reasonable way to make sure that paying for healthcare is handled efficiently is to ensure there's an interchangeable psychopath pocketing millions of dollars between you and your doctor.
Sorry; the late interchangeable psychopath pocketing millions of dollars etc., etc.
Large Language Models - Call them "AI" or "plagiarism machines," it doesn't matter. Sure, they can't work without massive copyright theft. Sure, their biggest proponents are investors and dipshits who barely qualify as sentient themselves. The worst part is that they doesn't even work yet!
You know who made money off of AI? Nvidia and that guy who did the Willy Wonka scam in Scotland.
Let's do a few quick awards covering my MekHQ Battletech Campaign
Most Disappointing Succession Wars-era Weapon
Thumper Artillery.
Most Hilarious Succession Wars-era Weapon
Thumper Artillery
Most Surprising Succession Wars-era Weapon
Bombs on fighters. >:(
Best Show Award - We have destroyed the illusion there is a difference between a television series, a movie, a film, and a TikTok. All is video. All is content. All is Show.
The Prestige - It only won an Emmy 10 years ago, but if you were waiting for me to say it's good, "It's good!"
Star Trek: Lower Decks - It ended and, I mean this with all the love in the universe, not a moment too soon.
Seth Meyer's Corrections - It's a little YouTube exclusive content that's filled part of the hole in my heart left by Craig Ferguson leaving the Late, Late Show.
The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent - Fun little movie. Most unexpected cameo of the year. Goes on the shelf next to My Name Is Bruce, Free Enterprise, and Being John Malkovich.
Deadpool and Wolverine - Not the strongest installment in the series, but pretty good. Always appreciate a well-done Star Trek reference.
And the winner is...Corrections! If the entire canon of Lower Decks was in here, it'd win easy--I mean so easily--but being absolutely weird and committing to it in 2024 is putting Corrections over the line. Better luck--checks box office receipts--next year Deadpool.
Best Personal Gaming Achievement
Slay the Spire - Played it for the first time in 3 years. Beat The Heart for the first time ever.
Starstruck Vagabond - Such a good game, but the core gameplay loop gets old before the story is done. My accomplishment is that I bought the game when it came out and got locked out of two or three achievements before the bugs were removed.
Race for the Galaxy - I finally did the "draw five cards when you produce" thing and the "draw three cards each time you play a planet and all your planets are free" thing and the "Galactic Trendsetters and Tourist World" thing.
Cookie Clicker - I'm still playing Cookie Clicker. You can't ever really stop playing Cookie Clicker.
Battletech (2018) Sweet double-kill with a UAC shot.
And the winner is...beating The Heart in Slay the Spire! It was my good, clean win of the year. Shouldn't have happened. I got lucky. But also; I was good.
Least-Awful, Just Utter Dogshit Comics
The Boys Comic - It turns out I had this on my tablet from a Humble Bundle. It was on about page 12 when a CIA agent can't help but fuck Billy Butcher the moment he walks into her office after a 5 year absence. I know Garth Ennis can be...unpretentious in his writing, but it was drek.
Pretty Violent - Just bad and unimaginative. Imagine everyone is unlikable, but the protagonist saw that and kept digging.
Loudermilk - Not a comic, but I saw this fetid, Ron Livingston vehicle because it shares a name with a band I like. Also, the lead likes music and is an alcoholic and no. Imagine if Family Guy did all its anti-social, cynical bullshit and wasn't even funny or charming.
And the winner is...Loudermilk!
Imagine writing this scene like the guy is the protagonist:
Best Read - In a year where I didn't get much read at all, I'm going to celebrate the few things I covered.
Shrapnel #1 - Gave it a good read. It was interesting to be set straight on a number of stories I half-remembered.
Battletech: The Black Marauder - I don't really "do" horror, but luckily, The Black Marauder isn't really horror. It's just a subtle, is-it-isn't-it set of stories about a weird Marauder. I think the stories ran a little past their course, but not a bad collection.
Battletech: The Fox Patrol - A cutesy, intended-for-the-new generation collection of short stories. I actually like it. I wish Battletech could focus its branding a little better.
Sarna.net's "Bad 'Mech" articles - Just a fun look at the universe that puts a spotlight on some lesser-known 'mechs. Very enjoyable with great art.
Lower Decks: Warp Your Own Way - "But wait, if this is a comic book, why is it not in the Least-Awful, Just Utter Dogshit Comics Award section?" Because that's just for utter dogshit comics, which Lower Decks: Warp Your Own Way isn't. It's entertaining, it's got characters I like, and it's kinda clever. One of the best uses of the medium in a long time.
Winner: It's Lower Decks: Warp Your Own Way, and if there was a second place, it would win that too. If you come away from this whole rambling pile of shit blog with anything, it's my recommendation that you pick up and read this book.
We're a little over time, so let's do a few quick rundowns to make up lost time.
Best Grammies
Luke Combs and Tracy Chapman doing "Fast Car." Impressive stuff.
Biggest Disappointment for Softcore Porn Drama
Wolf Pack got cancelled? My day is ruined, and my disappointment is immeasurable.
Most Ad Campaign of All Time
Those incredibly weird-but-committed-to-the-bit ads from Paramount+. Happy sale to...Suncoast or whatever. Caveat emptor, sucker!
Projects Most Worked-On Award
Made TI "stupid agendas"
Gonna finish the "Battletech Tech Polls": https://www.reddit.com/r/battletech/comments/1hfnxsp/battlemech_equipment_survey_round_8/
Playtested a friend's board game. I broke it and I think that's pretty neat. Would've been in Best Personal Gaming Achievement, but a guy rage-quit over it so it doesn't qualify.
Almost did some lucid dreaming. Got it done once while flying in a dream. Summoned lighting in a rainstorm and scared myself awake. It's a work in progress.
The winner is the Battletech Tech Polls. It was a fun project and it's had some promising results so far.
Stupidest Skirmish in The Culture War
Clearly, excluding a woman Representative to Congress from the women's bathroom belies all of the fake concern of Conservatives and TERFs over women's sports and protecting vulnerable kids. It's as stupid as it is vicious, but it's at least based in a now mask-off hate for Trans people over...the kind of people who need to hate someone finding a group marginalized enough to hate.
My winner this year is the brief kerfluffle where some drooling, barely-literate read a Battletech book from thirty years ago. They saw that Ulric Kerensky considered whether then-cypher Anastasious Focht may have been a woman before taking on the identity of Anastaious Focht, and decided that this in-character musing was somehow "proof" that Battletech was open to the idea of trans people.
It is. Battletech the brand is demonstrably open to folks being trans--in fiction and in real life--but to try and kick up a fuss over it because their neurons only fire heavily enough to scan literature for culture war kindling is pathetic.
Anyway, it was a big, stupid year and the next four are going to be bigger and stupider and...probably darker. But for now it's over.
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