Movie Trailers for February 2025

It looks like, in skipping January, I only missed The Brutalist and Companion. No biggie. :|

Here's February.

Heart Eyes (February 7th)

Thank gods. Finally, a horror movie trailer set to a slow cover of a classic love song. 

Stab me first, please.

Love Hurts (February 7th)

A combination of wanting to see Ke Huy Quan get more work and seeing another movie about a middle aged man who, thanks to the magic of editing, Still Has It in an action movie. Also the realtor shtick is going to wear out quickly. And the premise "hiding isn't living" is stupid. And also the whole plot, down to the baseball bat, is given up in the trailer and--okay, I hate it.

Armand (February 14th)

Looks as awful as it is pretentious, and it looks reeeal pretentious. Sorry, Cannes, but I'm putting money that you're wrong.

The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie (February 28th)

It looks like a perfectly acceptable Looney Toons film made for the modern day. But as a note; if you're going to break the fourth wall, don't put it in the trailer. That can't be a pull for your film unless you're...y'know.

Captain America: Brave New World (February 14th)

I'm cautiously looking forward to it.

Don't know why we have to do the--spoilers I guess--General Ross as Red Hulk thing. I get that he's Han Solo or whatever, but Harrison Ford notoriously doesn't give fucks about movies while he's in the movies, much less the press junket. I'm sorry, but with the exception of about 15 seconds in The Force Awakens, the man hasn't done anything more than cash a check in years.

And between Harrison Ford and J.J. Abrams, I assume that scene only made it into the movie by accident when the cameras kept rolling while J.J. was asking about the incredible value of the Golden Corral breakfast buffet.

Rumor has it we're finally going to follow up on the GIANT ETERNAL HAND STICKING OUT OF THE PACIFIC OCEAN thing, so that's good.

The Monkey (February 21st)

Sure. What if "Final Destination, but cheap and obvious?"

No offense to horror fans, but 'enough gore and a thinly veiled premise to allow novel gore for horror fans to like it.'

The Unbreakable Boy (February 21st)

I'd like to apologize to "The Monkey." I thought gratuitous gore might make me nauseous, but now it's a tie between the double-disabled kid with a positive outlook or Zachary Levi. Let's just go with "cloying vomit comet combo." 

Does the kid die at the end? Yes. Because I'm writing fanfiction titled, "The Unbreakable Boy is 6ft Under: He drowned in a puddle of my sick."

Last Breath (February 28th)

When a trailer thinks you're going to get bored within 5 seconds so it gives a little trailer for the trailer, you know a movie is aimed at the lowest of the low. The other two minutes and forty-one seconds don't disabuse me of that notion.

Damn, I had a good bit here with a deep cut reference to The Onion's Jean Teasdale, but by the time I googled her name, I completely forgot it.

Please laugh.

Parthenope (February 7th)

I don't want to diminish anyone's art by calling a movie about an attractive woman, "classy porn for straight men," but this is only making the list because I already watched the trailer and there was one slot free in February.

Dudes ain't even hot enough to save it.

Riff Raff (February 28th)

After that gauntlet of four excruciating trailers, this try-hard movie by stars trying to huddle together to reignite fusion between them is almost charming.

Almost. Die in a cold fire, Riff Raff.