Wednesday, March 06, 2013


So sometime on Monday, rebels in Syria took the city of Raqqa. It was apparently a big deal and it comes as the US Secretary of State talks about giving non-military support to the rebels, the rebels and the government engage in pre-talks posturing, a million refugees await delivery of promised winter aid, and some other boring stuff.

"Oooh, that city," said no one.

I am preoccupied with the fact that the moment the rebels rolled into town, they tore down a statue of Hafez Assad, the predecessor and father of the nation's current leader. At first I thought it was stock footage from the now-famous/infamous dismantling of the Saddam Hussein statue in Firdos Square around 2003, but not, it was another statue of a guy in a suit getting pulled down.

Before I get to my main point, I'd like to say that if you're a guy in a suit, you shouldn't have a statue. If you're wearing a suit, odds are just about at 100% that you aren't making enough waves that would warrant you being remembered. The only exception to this rule is Martin Luther King Jr., and exception that proves the rule. If you really, really want to sign off on that statue of yourself, you should probably say to yourself, "I know I'm good, but am I MLK good?" The honest answer is probably a "no," but if you have a suit and the possibility of making a monument to you is on the table, I'm guessing that honest answers got off your personal timeline a few exits ago when you convinced yourself you quit making mistakes.

If I were the type of person to make a monument to myself in a public space, I'd just make it a pyramid made of solid, clear, hard plastic containing a radioisotope thermoelectric generator and some basic electronics. The generator would power four giant, embedded LED displays that would flash my name for fifteen seconds at random intervals.

It would softly play a single AM radio station the rest of the time.

Innocuous, stable, long-lasting, and mostly beneficial, I'd have to do some pretty terrible stuff for anyone to think that dismantling it would be worth the time and effort. That's before anyone decides they ought to wait 'til this song is over.

No comments: