Monday, October 17, 2011

Timewalking Archive Trap: Little-Known Facts About Dark Troopers

-DarkTroopers tie a camera into the trigger mechanism of their main gus so they can remember the faces of the Rebels they kill.

-Dark Troopers do not die; their hard drives just fill with pictures.

-Dark Troopers were originally equipped with a cluster-shot blaster with a much longer range. The Dark Troopers turned it down in favor of the current, close-range model citing the fact that they are 'people droids.'

-Contrary to popular belief, Dark Trooopers do have feelings. One feeling. Jealousy that others get to be killed by Dark Troopers.

-When a Dark Trooper jumps away, they are not retreating or withdrawing; they are giving their opponents a fighting chance.

-Dark Troopers hate organics. Imperial Storm Troopers wear their armor so Dark Troopers do no learn they are human(what, you thought it was for protection?). Note that Vader wears similar armor.

-When the first Dark Trooper was made, it asked Rom Mohc for a jump pack, a cluster cannon, a sidearm, a grenade, and a knife.

-Dark Troopers ask for things by shooting off limbs.

-Dark Troopers have never been known to get more than four things they ask for from any known person, though they sometimes ask for five.

-The Rebels did not destroy the Death Star. In fact, the Dark Trooper it was dating was too much robot for the space station to handle.

-They tried to reconcile in Return of the Jedi.

-Dark Troopers tend to have Cylons for breakfast. They share a plate of Borg.

-Dark Troopers tend to have Cylons for brunch.

-When Dark Troopers lose limbs, they only become more dangerous.

-Posession of a sawed-off Dark Trooper is a federal crime in both the Empire and the New Republic.

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