Monday, November 25, 2013

64 Deck Bag: Round 01

Sivitri Scarzam Hello, and welcome to The 64 Deck Bag, I'm Sivitri Scarzam, and this is the steward of valeron, um...
Steward of Valeron Stewart.
Sivitri Scarzam Really?
Steward of Valeron Really.
Sivitri Scarzam Wow. I guess we know what colors creativity comes in. Well, Stewart and I are your hosts for today's entertainment. Stewart?
Steward of Valeron Our dark masters, manipulators on an inconceivable scale of evil—
Sivitri Scarzam —hail them—
Steward of Valeron —have arranged matches to the death between sixty-four cosmic beings of inconceivable power: planeswalkers. All for your entertainment.
Sivitri Scarzam And mine. Today's bout takes place on the plane of Yarikama, amidst a war between the encroaching forces of industry and the abandoned descendants of ancient angels.
Steward of Valeron Indeed, like many this place is woefully torn by strife.
Sivitri Scarzam Well, it's about it be.
Sivitri Scarzam As our planewalkers arrive to fight for dominance, the first one is my favorite Stewart. Codenamed, "Exactly as Human," she has a healthy understanding of humans; their tactics, leading them, and motivating them for a greater cause. Which is to say sending waves of them at an enemy.
Steward of Valeron I favor "Platoon." It is a rhox from my native plane of Alara and it shows the superiority of cooperation and teamwork; not just artless numbers.
Sivitri Scarzam Artless numbers are how you run up a score. Also playing today is "Close Air Support," a classic fire and lightning 'walker who uses dragon claws to build up her presence in the plane while glitterfangs and viashino sandstalkers swing in at the enemy.
Steward of Valeron *harumph* Not nearly enough defense.
Sivitri Scarzam And not smart enough make a difference. And our final contestant, Stewart?
Steward of Valeron A "mill" walker who uses memories and madness to fight their battles. That they are assisted by aides—
Sivitri Scarzam —minions—
Steward of Valeron —who are also allies is immaterial. I thought you would favor such an approach, Sivitri. It dwells on manipulation and deceit in place of substance and skill.
Sivitri Scarzam I prize results over style. Smart people often do.
Steward of Valeron Then we both agree that "Friends, Bokujans" has little skill to speak of.

Sivitri Scarzam Alright, so the battle has started. As expected, Close has gone after Exactly early on.
Steward of Valeron The local humans seem to have learned that the lightning storms precede the viashino attacks.
Sivitri Scarzam The dragon claws have let her shrug off early retaliation, but sooner or later Close is going to get worn down.
Steward of Valeron And it looks like the local mana is giving Platoon problems. 
Sivitri Scarzam "Bad luck," is the claim of many who lack skill, Stewart.
Steward of Valeron Both it and Close suffer from Yarikama's lack of native spirits. 
Sivitri Scarzam Meanwhile, Friends has subtly recruited Excavators, sabotaging Platoon's efforts at recalling his spells. Not particularly—
Steward of Valeron Boom! Pyroclasm! The board is cleared! 
Sivitri Scarzam Look at those villages burn. I can almost smell the seared human flesh. Except for Friends' excavators, it's cleared the board and bought Close a little bit of time.
Sivitri Scarzam And now Friends has recruited an occultist. Working with those excavators, it can begin reanimating everything that the pyroclasm just killed.
Steward of Valeron Enlisting the dead. Reprehensible.
Sivitri Scarzam Hardly. Having to wait for summoning sickness to wear off before you can recruit the dead, that's reprehensible. *stands and shouts at the plane* Cast Sootstoke!
Steward of Valeron Close is trying to recover with a full army of prepared spells, but is clearly fighting against summoning sickness itself.
Sivitri Scarzam Which means it is the first to fall as Friends hires a Brigand to join its band, rips up half of Exactly's repertoire and plucks another angel from the scraps.
Steward of Valeron Platoon tries to step out, but...
Sivitri Scarzam It never had a chance.
Steward of Valeron *shrugs* Sometimes, the lands run the fight.
Sivitri Scarzam And in an avalanche of stolen dead and madness, Friends, Bokujans takes Yarikama.
Steward of Valeron Let's go to Norin the Wary to interview our winner. Norin?
Norin the Wary *Looks at camera* AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! *runs away*
Joven How you doin'?
Joven Tired. I just got ambushed by 'other mages.'

Joven Am I being interviewed?
Joven Yeah. I guess. I could interview you. I have a black belt in judo, so I probably could. You listen to AC/DC?
Joven What's an...ack-dack?
Joven Yeah, they're from Earth. You probably never heard of them.
Joven Do I listen to an earth elemental? That's the stupidest fu
Sivitri Scarzam Great interview, Joven. Congratulations Friends, Bokujans.
Joven *offscreen* Are you talking to me? That's not my name.
Steward of Valeron We are all disappointed by your victory.
Sivitri Scarzam But we wish you good luck in the next round!
Joven What do you mean "the next round"? What's going to
Sivitri Scarzam Well, that's the end of our turn.
Steward of Valeron Have a great night, and don't forget your upkeep triggers!

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