Thursday, June 16, 2011

Timewalking Archive Trap: The Hulk: Kris Notes

Since I'm having a Review Week and it's 6-16, I thought I'd post a double-header of Marvel Comics movie reviews today.

Notes were taken inside the theater with other notes added later.

For no reason whatsoever, I give you large, green text
[Spoiler Alert]
Notes made as the movie was ongoing. 
Italics for thoughts added later.
The Incredible Hulk

-Does The Hulk say 'Hulk Smash' in the first movie?
My friend Josh says 'no.'

Mummy 3: Kinda tired of watching 10,000 CGI Asians shoot 10,000 CGI arrows into the air. I've seen how this works--oh, look, it's Jet Li. Never seen someone drop a forests' worth of arrows on his ass before. Why are there so many martial arts stories with bare-handed brawls and swords? They ran out of damned trees, that's why.

The Spirit: I do hope this is more than Sin City 2. Not that I'm interested in The Spirit anyway.
Josh assures me it is not a Sin City sequel I assure him I never thought it was a literal successor; just a movie with an identical creator, narrative style, tone, and look.
Hancock: Cannot wait for this one. I am looking forward to a superhero movie that isn't taken from a comic. Something of a uniquely Hollywood superhero.

-Nice intro. Not wasting time mentioning S.H.I.E.L.D. or Stark, eh?

-Is that Bill Bixby on the TV?! Yes. The second of many tributes to the TV series

-God, if the Hulk breaks out the ju-jitsu, that'd be awesome. It doesn't take away from the movie that he didn't.

-Awesome. Bruce Banner is the illegal immigrant janitor.

-"...wouldn't like me when I'm hungry..." LOL!

-If Tim Roth is the Abomination, I will jizz my pants.
Don't worry, I didn't.

-A decent Stan Lee cameo.

-Well, that guy's going to get a new factory.
...and a new fork lift.

-TV series music. :)

-These movies have Stark and Banner giving Parker a run for his money in the 'hard luck hero' department...okay, not really Stark so much.
It sucks to be Bruce Banner and this movie shows that perfectly.

-Ah, they do explain the captains bars on a man pushing 40. That was bugging me.

-"Super soldier." Sweet!

-Aw, Betty's with another man. There's hope though; he's wearing a fucking vest. Who wears a fucking vest?

-Pizza delivery?
I can see Peter Parker swinging in, punching him across the face, then swinging away.

-LOU FUCKING FERRIGNO!! Awesome! Fucking awesome!
He's looking great.
"You are the man." Damned straight he is!

-By now, Bruce Banner is practically a ninja.

-Awesome good night scene. So many things left unsaid. I don't know acting, so I couldn't say if this was overplayed or not, but I was happy with it.

-Fucking hell, The Hulk is smart!

-"That all you got?" Awesome! A nice conclusion to a nice fight scene.

-...the park has a fire suppression system?
As soon as the helicopter bathes the place in fire, it starts to rain. WTF?!

Her boyfriend is the dick from Dawn of the Dead!

-...okay, The Hulk is fighting lightning. He's kind of an idiot after all.

-Big, purple pants. Awesome!

-Dr. Stery. Surprised they didn't use Doc Samson or Rick Jones.
Of course, I've since heard that he might become 'The Leader' in a sequel, so...

-Banner on the bed, Hulking out. I can hear the voice of Dr. Ian Malcom, "Cure faster. Must cure faster."

-How did the army not get to the doctor before them?
I half expected a Cloud City set up, a la Empire Strikes Back,  "I'm sorry, Banner; they got here first."

-Perfect storm of assholes to make The Abomination.

-"An abomination" "informed consent" LOL.
Also, I like how they subtly worked the names in there.

-No Cloverfield guys. Seriously.

-Army guy reveals the rocket launcher.
Kris: "Sweet!"
Army guy: "Sweet!"

-If they throw Banner head first and doped to the gills on anti-Hulk serum out of a helicopter, a la The Ultimates, I will be the happiest monkey on Earth!

-X-Button! X-Button!
This dates back to playing Command and Conquer. If your infantry were about to get squished because they were bunched up, you could hit the X button, and all of the selected infantry would scatter, minimizing the chance that tank treads or an area-effect weapon could wipe them all out. I wanted to hit that button multiple times during this movie.

-"We made it, all of us." Nice. Maybe the best line of the movie.
It's interesting that despite the fact that Banner is seeking escape, General Ross is seeking a sort of redemption, and Betty is just trying to help the men that she loves, they can all face the fact that this is something they all worked to create. It's like a little sin that they, and no one else, share.

-I've never seen the "bombed out wreckage" borough of New York. Oh, wait, Spider-Man 1.
Yeah, I know, it was actually a green house.

-Hulk chokes Abomination. The Rosses watch. Kris: "Run bitches!"

-"Hulk smash." Best line. One of two moments that made me want to stand up and say 'fuck yeah!' The other was when Banner fell, head first and doped to the gills on anti-Hulk serum, out of the helicopter.

The interchange between Ross and Stark at the end could've been cool, but it had all the subtlety and skill of fucking fan-fiction. I mean, WTF, the dialog was fail. It's great to link the movies together, but have some fucking style, man.

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