Monday, January 24, 2011

Quotient Quotables

The following post is rated:

The following conversations may or may not have happened:
Terry: “The guy in the Subway was pretty cute, but you didn't seem to be checking him out.”
Kris: “Huh? Oh yeah, he totally was, but I tend not to check out attractive guys in public. If they're straight, it makes them uncomfortable. If they're gay, it automatically gives me a leg up in a social interaction.”
Terry: “Diabolical. How's that working out for you?”
Kris: “Haven't had a date in two years.”
* * *

More music from Batman: the Brave and Bold. Courtesy of Comics Alliance.
* * *
Hiiiiipppppsterrrrr! About sums up my feelings on the whole thing.
* * *
Me: “Maybe this New Orleans Wal-Mart isn't as inundated with attractive men as I think.”
Also me: “There are a lot more of them than the Wal-Mart back home.”
Me: “Well, that's only proportional. No, wait. The Wal-Mart is the same size. There does seem to be a higher proportion.”
Also me: “Two points, me: acclimation and sampling bias. You've seen the attractive men in Houma since 2005 and they haven't changed and you're ignoring them on the same level as someone you've been dating for a month. Also, you're only noticing the hot guys. Look, there's retired Santa.”
Me: “'Retired Santa'?”
Also me: “Yeah, like he was an old guy who was Santa, then he got older and retired.”
Me: “Santa, the centuries-old elf? Or, like, a mall Santa?”
Also me: “Real deal. Retired Santa. He knows where all the tiny bodies are buried.”
* * *
These things are real: Klingon Christmas Carol and 'u', the Klingon Opera, both in their original Klingon.
* * *
*Sarah Sidle enters the scene, a cozy, middle-class apartment from 19th Century Russia. Grissom, extra beardy to blend in with the natives, is crouching over two women with severe head injuries.*

Grissom: "The older woman is Alena Ivanovna, a pawn broker. She lives here with her younger sister, Lizaveta. Some customers were suspicious when they didn't answer thier door. They went down to get the porter and when they came back up, the door was open. Brass is questioning all three of them outside."
Sidle: *Bends over the older body* "Looks like repeated blows to the back of the head."
Grissom: "Her sister was hit with a sharp, heavy object, probably an ax."
Sidle: "No defensive wounds." *Straightens up* "Could it be domestic?"
Grissom: "Porter says neither one of them had any boyfriends. Not even exes as far as he knew."
Sidle: "Robbery?"
Grissom: "Maybe. Look in here." [Scene cuts to an inside-out view of a darkened closet. Grissom and Sidle are silhouetted by the light outside of the dim room. Grissom's flashlight plays across a number of cabinets and an opened chest. The chest's contents are half-spilled onto the floor. Notes of rubles and golden trinkets can be seen under dresses far finer than the sisters wore.]
Sidle: "But...why come here to take anything, if you're going to leave all this behind?"
Grissom: "Maybe our murderer...was Russian."
[Play Credits]
* * *

Most emo moment in Star Trek history at around 10:50.
* * *
Yeah, I can see how there would be some Ben Stiller/Owen Wilson slashfic out there. At the very least for some of their characters. I guess I'd watch Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson get freaky. Well, not that freaky. Freakish.
* * *

History annotated with absinthe.
* * *
Dear Guy Whose Self-Immolation Kicked Off a Regime Change in Tunis,
Your actions did a lot to help your people. Know that you did not die in vain.
You did, however die in pain.
But I guess you already knew that.

Sincerely,
Kris
* * *
io9 does a feature on why Captain America works and Wonder Woman doesn't. Wonder Woman did get picked up by NBC recently, but we'll see how that works out. How do you make Wonder Woman work?
* * *
Comics Alliance does a bit on subversive giants of different corners of the media, and how their greatest works fell short of their goals.
* * *
Kris: “Ugh.”
Terry: “What now?”
Kris: “It’s this Supergirl picture. They were supposed to give her some bicycle shorts or something.”
Terry: “Yeah, that’d sell a lot of Supergirl comics.”
Kris: “Point-laden sarcasm aside, I just sucks that every time I read a comic with good characterization, or a biting critique of modern culture, or a new idea, it pisses me off that some social retard somewhere is masturbating to one of the pictures in it. I liked The Establishment; they were a super-team of bonerkillers.”
Terry: “I think Supergirl comics have more than one picture guys are masturbating to.”
Kris: “That’s my point! Supergirl and Powergirl are both so sexualized they bring up a very specific knowledge; someone is or has masturbated to the very picture I’m looking at. I try not to think about it, but tell me it isn’t true.”
Terry: “Oh, it’s fucking true. What about Batwoman? She’s wears black leather with flowing red hair. She uses her sexuality as a weapon so much, it might as well be bat-shaped.”
Kris: “That’s different because she’s a lesbian.”
Terry: “But that doesn’t—“
Kris: “She’s a lesbian. That’s how I read Batwoman. Shut your hole.”
Terry: “But-“
Kris: “Leeeeeeeeeeesbian.”

* * *

It's a FAAAAAAAKE!
* * *
Dirty jeans? No big deal.

4 comments:

Rude said...

You have a LOT of thoughts, don't you, Kris?

VanVelding said...

Mental detrius too small for a whole blog, but too large for twitter builds up over time.

After it builds up enough, it just becomes it's own thing.

I don't write my entries in order; I just slot them into a schedule as I write them, so I didn't realize until now that this post comes right after I make a big deal about how I'm going to blog with more quality in the future.

Derek said...

In reference to the powergirl/supergirl sexuality thing:

I do hope you realize you are talking about a fictional "industry" who, since its very inception, had a common uniform of skin-tight spandex.

VanVelding said...

The Supergirl/Powergirl joke is closer to XKCD #386 than a serious commentary on dress codes in comic books.