Wednesday, June 29, 2022

July's Trailers

I really like movie trailers. I also like knowing what's coming out in the next month. It's worth my time, y'know? Anyway, to get those lists I use sites like thenumbers.com and RottenTomatoes to get info. If you have any site which does the same for streaming movies, let me know. 

Mr. Malcom's List

It's a romantic comedy. A slightly more modern romantic comedy than most. It's...novel. I'll give it that.

 

Where the Crawdads Sing


Not to be so totally in my demographic, but a legal drama about a social outsider is way more my speed. It's not so compelling I'd go out of my way to watch it, but I could settle in for a nice evening and watch this with someone else.

Paws of Fury: The Legend of Hank


I didn't even see the trailer and I said, "That's a Paramount Pictures joint," and I was right. From the dog punching the cat in the nuts, to two shots later when the dog was stuck in the cat's butt, to the very end when a cat farted a torch out.

Glad George Takei and Mel Brooks are gettin' checks.

Nope

I'm not a horror guy, but Jordan Peele is good. I'm always interested in what he's doing. I'll probably never get around to watching it, but it looks scary. Quality scary, not "jump scare and gore" scary.

DC League of Super-Pets

As a rule, I don't like anything with Kevin Hart. DCLSP looks like it'd be unlikable on its own merits though.

The Anonymous Club

Not to be insensitive, but as little as I cared about that Beatles documentary from a while back, I'm proportionally less interested in a look at the life of Courtney Barnett. Maybe it's your thing.

I'll take it over DCLSP, but I'd have to be lying prostrate in a body cast, y'know?

The Deer King


Man. Girl. Anime. Nature. Fights. Decent, but I'm not into antlers enough for there to be a real hook there. I saw Princess Mononoke; I feel like I've got this down.

Thor: Love and Thunder

This is the part where I'm at 8 of 10 on the list and realize I forgot to do the blockbuster movie coming out on the second Friday of July. The weird thing is that people who didn't like Thor: Ragnarok are looking at this movie and hating it when...no shit: it's the same people who made Thor: Ragnarok.

Looks perfectly serviceable. Will Thor die? If you haven't checked out MovieBob's crazy board predictions about the MCU, it's worth a look: https://youtu.be/yu_j335oZZQ

The Grey Man

I kinda wanted to do Don't Make Me Go, but there wasn't a meat-headed, stupid, lazy action flick on the list so far--shut up! MCU films don't count--and besides, this is what Chris Evans grew his terrible mustache for.We respect his sacrifice.

Other than that, some Hollywood guys shoot guns on a green screen, some stunt doubles cut a check, and some writers buy new phones that they can use to phone in a script over another phone. I know it's the Russo Brothers, and I know they're good, but...look at this steaming pile of streaming. Do you want to leave Grey Man residue all of your the tubes you use for lolcats?

The Princess


Let me retract some of that criticism of The Grey Man and reallocate it here. Then I'll sprinkle a little bit of "generic girl power movie that makes me wish I had a girl friend so I could ask her if this is as insulting as it looks."

Shrek did it better.

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