Friday, February 15, 2013

Working with the Freepublicans

You might have noticed that I've been absent lately. Regretfully, it left an inconsistent drunkard with aspirations of counteracting centuries of female objectification by objectifying as many men as possible in charge of things around here. The upside is that I got a few extra dollars on the side working on a project of some importance. It started as a poorly-focused Libertarian project built around promoting the work of a single individual, but became something much worse. Naming any of the players involved would be unprofessional, but for the sake of simplicity, I call the entire fiasco "The Freepublican Job."

The story behind that name is funny; there's this nice country club and I'm having lunch with our benefactor, his right-hand lady, two middle management types, and another applicant. Despite the other applicant and myself not knowing much about economics or China (two subjects Libertarians like talking about), when the time came for our benefactor to point out our short comings, I--a uselessly handsome aryanish-looking man--watched as this smaller, Hispanic woman bore up under a lot of criticism we both should have shared (or been equally spared). 

I wasn't motivated to take the proceedings very seriously after that, and whatever desire I had to contribute waned whenever a woman who thought Ron Paul was a senator and Jon Huntsman Jr. was never a governor started a thirty minute conversation on naming our club.

I've learned that you never focus on the name; you do, and once you do, you can only have one name. Alternatively, you take the name that's just lying around. I don't compliment him much, but VanVelding's Coup D'etat campaign was so named because he usurped the campaign slot from another dungeon master[1] and eventually titled the galaxy after the name "because alien languages."  

So once someone complained about how long it would take people so say "Free Republicans," I suggested--with a dangerously unaware level of irony--that we name the group "Publicans." Perhaps we could meet in bars. Share a pint. Talk revolution. 

With the old gods as my witness, they thought I was serious. Before someone at the table sobered up, we were on the brink of trying to brand "Freepublicans" as a legitimate branch of the Republican Party. 

As you might have guessed from an organization that dawdles over its name, eschews diversity[2], and creates mission statements by negation, the project imploded recently. That means that I've got less money, but a decent backlog of political and personal perspectives I'll be sharing over the next few weeks.  

All thanks to the Freepublicans. 
[1] I don't know how that works. The closest we have to that in video games is hitting start before the other guy so you can be P1.
[2] In the end, I worked alongside two twentysomething white guys.

1 comment:

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