Harvest - August 1st
Okay, it's being released on Mubi--which sounds like the name you'd make up to ridicule the proliferate, third-rate streaming services which aren't Paramount+--but is real. And it looks faaascinating.
And it's on a third-rate streaming service that isn't Paramount+.
Weapons - August 8th
'member Zach Cregger from The Whitest Kids U Know? He wrote and directed this. And it does the intriguing creepiness in a way most other movies try to do. I think there's too many dream sequences that let them put all the spooky tropes in the trailer, but I'm positive on it.
Toxic Avenger - August 29th
Eli Roth's: Jimmy and Stiggs and Bougieville didn't make the cut because I feel like there's only room for one neon-soaked, weird, and bloody movie that gives no fucks in August. And if you weigh Peter Dinklage against the work of Eli Roth, Dinklage wins.
It also beat out Sunlight in the arena of movies that were maybe trying a bit too hard.
Sketch - August 6th
Why is this the token kids movie on the list instead of Bad Guys 2 or--christ alive--Freakier Friday? Because it's fucked up in a way I think kids would actually enjoy and it's got The Bleachers' "I Wanna Get Better" in the trailer, which is, as the kids say, "peak."
Highest 2 Lowest - August 22nd
Sure, it's from Spike Lee and stars Denzel Washington, a guy so cool he didn't have to sign anything to become a mononym; we just made him into "Denzel." But I wasn't sure about it, but that is one motherfucking trailer. I'm hooked and I have no idea what happens in that movie.
Honey Don't - August 22nd
Call me a magpie-wallet thing, but I was on board with this from the cast. The trailer was just overselling it. Maybe it actually spoiled some things. But I barely remember anything about it now, so it doesn't matter so much. Weird, over the top and committed to its bit.
I kinda love it, sight-unseen.
Americana - August 15th
Absolutely criminal this thing and Honey Don't share so many vibes and come out one week apart. It looks fun and silly, just a few degrees off, tonally, from Honey Don't. Maybe there's a double feature in there.
Eden - August 22nd
A good ol' thriller that looks thrilling. Also, I'm 70% sure it's about stupid libertarians of some stripe traveling to an island for ideological reasons without understanding what that means.
Also, between this and Americana, I guess Sidney Sweeny's in everything, but I'm ladyblind so for all I know she's in all of these movies, but only two said it in the trailer.
The Naked Gun - August 1st
I had some doubts. Have. But it's not like The Naked Gun franchise was that unimpeachable. And heaven help us, let's not get all sacred about it like Ghostbusters did. It's a series of slightly clever gags about poop, wordplay, and action movie tropes.
Go out there, and win one for the Zipper.
Relay - August 22nd
Relay is just limboing under the line. I feel like "dangerous professional who breaks his rules to save a pretty lady" is a bit overdone. Maybe it's just that prefer "competence porn" to an action film with a gimmick.
Or maybe I should say "Jason Borne with a gimmick." You can save a lot of money in your action film by making two or three scenes about people walking urgently while on the phone.
I prefer it when professionals take actions that generally reduce risk, but don't magically know every enemy move before they make it. When they plan for general scenarios and use versatile tools to handle unexpected actions by their opposition. Y'know, the whole, "professionals are predictable but the world is full of amateurs," bit.
HONORABLE MENTIONS
Alien: Earth (Series) - August 12th
A franchise that's been hit or miss is taking another swing. Shine on you crazy diamonds.
The Story of Frank and Nina
Sure, it's Italian. And it came out last year. But you know...you know what? I'll, uh...I'll allow it.
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