Movie Trailers for June 2024

Last month:

Sad to hear that Furiosa was critically successful but economically a failure. Weird. Chris Evans got a star on the Walk of Fame for this.

Also, I guess Empire of the Planet of the Apes was well-received. Good job.

This Month:

Bad Boys: Ride or Die (June 5th)

How stupid do you think your audience is? "Tell them they're watching a trailer five times after they clicked on the video called 'Official Trailer'" stupid.

I put money down in January it was going to be subtitled "Bad Boys take their metamucil and ask the nurse for extra pudding at bedtime," but "Ride or Die" is close. Martin Riggs is telling these guys they're too old for this shit.

(Christ, there was a Lethal Weapon TV show six years ago).

Kinds of Kindness (June 21st)

It's a weird indie flick and it's got Emma (Emily?) Stones so...I'm hype.

Janet Planet (June 21st)

You know I like A24, but big Wes Anderson energy tied to a serious drama with a shitload of pretension? I'm just not seeing it.

Agent Recon (June 21st)

Every so often it's humbling to be reminded that Chuck Norris' acting range includes doing The Terminator as played by Niel Breen.

Daddio (June 28th)

I don't know if I've ever seen a Sean Penn movie. Having a 90 minute movie take place in a cab ride is novel. It's charming. It's the definition of 'two men in a room,' except one of those men is Dakota Johnson, who's like acting teflon; every character slides right off of her.

The Exorcist (June 7th)

Wow. A scary movie about making scary movies. The fucking talent. /s

The only thing which forestalls my damning, contemptuous scoff is my respect Russel Crowe and David Hyde Pierce.

Thelma (June 21st)

Actually looks fun and cute.

A Sacrifice (June 28th)

Fascinating little film about cults from both sides, the guy investigating it and the woman getting pulled into it.

Arcadian (April 12th)

Decent little sci-fi triller. Between "Pig," "The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent," "The Colors Out of Space," "Dream Scenario," "Renfield," and this, I feel like I would really groove with Nic Cage's agent.

It says April 12th, so I'm not sure why this is here. Maybe the release date changed?

Late Bloomers (June 7th)

I'm not a fan of anyone from the Steven Moffat run of Doctor Who. 

Dang, you thought there was going to be a "however" there to say something nice about this by the numbers drama film? LOL.

Supacell (June ???)

Looks alright. Not great though. Like a better remix of "Heroes."

The Watchers (June 7th)

M. Night Shamalyan is a no-sell for me. Obviously, the guy can put together an intriguing trailer and the first third or two-thirds of a story, but it's always that last third that gets us, isn't it, M. Night?

Inside Out 2 (June 14th)

Weird to see a puberty(?) story for kids. It looks about as good as the first one. Which I also didn't see all of.

The only thing that makes me less enthusiastic is the horde of lunatics crying about "the canon."

Inside Out 2: My opinion is 'it is.'

A Quiet Place: Day One (June 27th)

A prequel to the sequel to the whatever man. This series already did Day One in the second installment.

That's it. That's all you need to know.

The Crow (2024) (June 7th)

My heart, mind, sense of pattern recognition, mild affection for the original film, and the knowledge that you can't turn a story steeped in coy mysticism into the basis for a gritty superhero origin story all say "no," but those abs say "yes," and there's eight of them so...yeah.

Horizon: An American Saga: Chapter 1 (June 28th)

This is Kevin Costner doing a history of the US, pre and post civil war. Aight. I mean, the story of the West is the story of Americans settling in Native American territory and then calling in the cavalry when they kicked us out, but there's quite a few shots humanizing Native Americans, so let's see how it turns out.

Basically worth watching if you want to be the first one to know if Costner is finally milkshake ducking this (Writing this joke in March so wish me luck on him waiting until June). 

The Present (June 14th)

Looks like a fun little family film.

Reverse the Curse (June 14th)

David Duchovny is in some weird shit. And thank the gods for that.

The Acolyte (4th of June)

Who would have figured that the long and storied history of Star Wars could give us a story outside of the endless cycle of Skywalkers? Looks aight. 

I just realized Manny Jacinto is in it, so, like, how much are Disney+ subscriptions?